


Birthday, Duckbutt!

by xNightsilverx



Series: Naruto, Sasuke And "Fight Me, Hashirama!" [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: A mess of a fanfiction, Birthday Fluff, Crack, Ducklings Adoption, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, Idk what is this shit, Kaguya chilling in the moon is enough of a threat, Multi, Naruto is Just Naruto, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Sasuke Has Had Enough, Sasuke is so done, Sasuke needs a break, Self-Indulgent, Uchiha Sasuke Being an Idiot, Uchiha Sasuke Returns to Konoha, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Written instead of writing something actually contributing to society, doesn't really have a plot, getting revived once again to curse the world with fanfics, no beta we die like orochimaru, one shots, or is it a blessing in disguise, stories, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:20:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25505833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xNightsilverx/pseuds/xNightsilverx
Summary: Sasuke Birthday Special 2020Or: Sasuke has a habit of running away so his idiot friend and pink haired annoyance decide to take precautions; also, Kakashi's here and done with his little shits.And what's with the ducks?!//SasuSakuWARNING: some swearing
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Naruto, Sasuke And "Fight Me, Hashirama!" [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850461
Kudos: 13





	1. Birthday, Duckbutt! 『PART I』

**Author's Note:**

> Pairings: Sasuke/Sakura (HINTED), others are irrelevant to the story
> 
> Timeline: after Sasuke Shinden and before Boruto; Sasuke's 23rd birthday
> 
> Additional notes: 23rd birthday IS a reference to his birth date: 23rd July
> 
> WARNINGS: some swearing because of author's and Sasuke's foul mouth

Do not _ever_ threaten to take a duckling from it's parent. You can get Lichtenburg figures or be left with smoldering feathers.

* * *

**//** **Breakline no Jutsu!//**

* * *

The sun rising is an everyday occurrence. Every day, it's bathing the world in warm light, no matter the season, and chasing the moon away. Yet, this was one day when the moon wasn't running away that much and the sun had an actual chance of finally catching up. No one has ever seen the whole moon illuminated at once, maybe... Maybe this was the day?

Moon got annoyed by a lot of things, and the ticking of a clock indicating the time he had to wait for the water to finally boil was getting on his nerves nonetheless.

Empty cupboards mercilessly showed the little time he'd spent in his apartment, at the same time reminding him of the emptiness left in the Uchiha Compound by the ones whose mouths had been shut forcefully and untimely. The Ghost Town that still stood as a reminder of past mistakes Konoha had made, and what greed for power can cause.

He shook his head, leaning back on one of the counters. Slowly increasing in volume whistling a plain, undoubtedly new, keetle was making was breaking the silence. The only edible things in vicinity were some cups of instant ramen, courtesy of the world's number one Knucklehead Ninja. How and when did he even get to his apartment, the young Uchiha didn't know. The whistling had gotten louder by now, and one of the aforementioned cups sat readily on the flat surface of the counter, next to Sasuke's right hand. He moved to turn off the keetle and pour the required water to the instant ramen. How much in common with actual ramen it had was irrelevant.

He looked around his house. It was by no means small but not too big either. It was furnished only with necessary items and appliances. A fridge, usually empty except for some tomatoes from time to time, a stove, a table with two chairs, a practicality new couch. There was also a bathroom and his scarcely decorated bedroom, only a bed and four photos, three on the wall and one on bed stand. The later one was the one Team 7 took right after forming, it's edges were a little roughed up by time and it's formerly cracked frame got replaced with a new one. Three other photos were as it comes. His team after the war, team 7 that is - how did they manage to persuade him into taking it, that's a mystery, something about being punted to the moon by Sakura to meet Kaguya again might have been a case. Then, Team Hebi/Taka, lastly, his parents smiling softly while he himself was sitting on Itachi piggy riding. His older brother's face cocked to look at him with _so much love_ in his onyx eyes.

 _Those were good times,_ he thought dimly. The keetle was making thrumming sounds now, already past the time it should have been taken off the stove. Seemed like a walk down the memory lane had gotten his whole attention. It had been happening a lot since he started coming back to Konoha more. Not thinking much about it - he'd learned not to dwell on those things and push them into far corner of his mind - the ramen cup _finally_ got to be filled with long anticipated water.

Now to wait.

Sasuke moved to sit on the couch, it was quite comfortable, not really stiff but not 'collapsing' either. His thoughts wandered to the time of Team 7 introductions, how Naruto went from hating to wait for the ramen to get ready to declaring to be a Hokage. A small, wry smile tugged at his lips, quiet but amused "hn" leaving his mouth without permission. How ironic. He laughed at Naruto's intent then, but now here he is. Naruto is in all ways but the official the Seventh Hokage and Sasuke's hating these minutes he has to wait in his empty house.

* * *

**//Breakline no Jutsu!//**

* * *

Some time had passed, an empty cup of instant soup discarded in a trash bin and Sasuke was standing in front of the window looking out, raven black bangs falling over his left eye, successfully covering the lilac sclera of the Rinnegan; red and white _uchiwa_ proudly embroidered at the young Uchiha's back.

Suddenly a doorbell echoed through the apartment, Sasuke's head snapped towards the direction of the front door. Not expecting anyone - not like anybody not from his team would come, anyway - he used his Sharingan, only to see Naruto there. As usual, he outright ignored it and laid himself on the couch, letting out an exasperated sigh. The blonde would welcome himself in anyway, so no point in opening the door. This, and he had to keep his appearances.

As expected, not fifteen seconds had passed and his friend and his iconic blinding orange jacket shunted through the door. Not so long ago he would have punted his best friend right out, but those were different times. Times when his current self would pummel _himself_ to the ground, his decision-making skills really sucked back then.

Back to the matter at hand. Naruto ran to the couch and bent over it's back, his face was above Sasuke's neutral one, at that Uchiha's right eyebrow raised slightly.

"What brings you here, _teme_?"

He got a big, toothy grin in return and whipped cream to the face. Naruto's eyes landed at the window, then he swiftly moved away and the sound of breaking glass was heard. Sasuke was now half laying and tilted his head, eyes widening in surprise, clusters of the cream falling off his face. Sakura had her Chakra-infused fist clenched, shards of broken window laying around her. She looked at his confused face and smiled slyly.

"SHANNARO! Cha!"

Her flying fist was the last thing he saw before the world went black.


	2. Birthday, Duckbutt! 『PART II』

He woke up tied to a chair. A _fucking chair,_ what the _fuck._

He remembered Sakura's yell and her gloved fist hitting his face. _Ouch._  
He meant to raise his hand to his face but the actually not-so-tight ropes stopped him in his tracks. _Ah, right._

There was a screech of a door behind him, shaking him out of his reverie.

"Hello, Sasuke-kun." Sakura said with her sweet voice while entering the room - Naruto right behind her - although her fangirl days were way in the past.

 _Wait,_ he thought, _where the hell am I?_

Looking around, he saw he was not in his apartment anymore. The room they were in was really small. It was dark too, with only one lamp sitting on the desk in front of him. It felt more like a big pantry or a storeroom. Sakura and Naruto were both seated in front of him, Sakura's hands clasped together under her chin and Naruto's fingers intertwined behind his head, with the blonde leaning back in his chair making an aggravating noise. _What are you up to?_

 _"_ Where are the ducks, Uchiha?"

"Huh?" The confusion was clear in Sasuke's voice. This question came so out of nowhere and took him by surprise. He didn't even know what was happening! Were his teammates replaced or something? Did they hurt Sakura?!  
 _No_. He thought shaking his head. _No, it is definitely their chakra right here_.

"Wha-... What ducks?"

Two pairs of eyes were staring intensely at his face. Sakura's rich green irises not giving away any signs of it being a joke, although Naruto's blue ones held glints of... amusement?

A sigh left Uchiha's mouth as his chin fell on his chest, he could already feel slight ire flowing through his body. He looked Sakura in the eyes with no emotion visible.

"Did you take something?"

"Don't accuse a medical nin of something like that!"

"You do have an access to morphine though." The pinkenette looked ready to throw fists and Sasuke squashed the urge to flinch, Naruto moved his chair away from the girl as a precaution. He was usually on the eceiving end of Haruno's inner self 'tantrum blows'.

The door made a screeching noise again and a white thatch came into view, dark blue hitai-ate placed firmly under a swatch of hair.

"Yo! You two, what are you doing with my favorite pupil?"

"Your what." The other two looked offended. Someone might have even believed it if not for the unnecessary drama of Naruto feigning a heart attack and falling right into Sakura's arms, only to be dropped to the floor a second after.

"Sakura-chan!" The Uzumaki exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head.

"Kakashi, do something" Sasuke said, his voice tinted with irritation.

Hatake shrugged. _'Make Out Tactics'_ seemed to absorb all his attention, even though he reread it too many times than is considered halthy. If asked, Kakashi could probably recitate every single paragraph already. Everybody has their own shtick, after all. Or kink. Sasuke's eyebrows contracted in a frown.

Kakashi answered without taking his eyes off his book.

"I don't know what you'd like me to do."

"You _are_ the Hokage."

"My rank doesn't seem to make an impression on any of you. _You_ of all people should know that, I'm not the one coming to the Hokage's office through the _window_."

"But you are."

"Show some respect, damn." The Rokudaime huffed with tinge of amusement.

"You say it like you fucking believe it. And close the damn book! Read your porn elsewhere."

"Well" Kakashi reluctantly closed the book and hid it in his pocket, finally turning to face the ex-missing nin "you could learn some social skills from it."

"I will _not_ profane my eyes laying them on a word in it."

They seemed to have a staring contest, a black eye meeting a black eye. A lightning almost could have been seen dancing between the two Lighting Style users.

"Okay, okay, calm down everyone-" Naruto started but was cut short by Sakura, who slammed her hands on the desk, the lamp even jumped a little from the sheer force of impact.

"Shut up!"

Sasuke, imperturbable, shot all of them a glare.

"Yeah okay, I won't talk but only if you _tell me_ what is _going on._ "

The three seemed to have exchanged glances and look at _him, damn you all idiots._

"We" Naruto started "just want to know where all the ducks are." His expression was so innocent, but Sasuke knew better. It was the prankster, jovial side of his best friend. He would _not_ fall for that.

"You have a duckbutt, you gotta know, ya'know!"

If looks could kill - well, Sasuke's technically _could_ so guess it's doesn't really apply anymore, now does it - then they'd drop dead right then and there.

"Admittedly, you are a _fucking idiot,_ Naruto. I swear to Amaterasu, I'll throttle you if you don't get to the point."

A scowl appeared on the Uchiha's face. Kakashi was leaning on the wall next to him, looking vaguely entertained. Sakura on the other hand dropped her head to her hands.

"It's all just a precaution so you don't run away again."

"Oh."

Oh, yeah. He does that quite often. Still, it's not like he was going on vacation. The shinobi world is still a dangerous place.

"Do you know what day it is?"

He looked at her and something flashed in her eyes at the same time recognition flooded his mind. _Oh._

"23rd July, if I'm not mistaken."

Both his teammates sent him a happy smile.

"Now that that's clear you will _not_ be leaving the village... Happy birthday, Duckbutt!" Naruto said, looming over the desk, his face suspended dangerously close to his own. His eyes vividly conveyed the message: ' _no getting out of it'._

Suddenly, Sakura jumped in her chair because of the spider that randomly fell in front of her, inadvertently pushing Naruto forward.

_'NOT AGAIN!'_

Sasuke momentarily thought about using Amenotejikara, but it was too late.

Sakura's eyes went wide like saucers and Kakashi sputtered water he was drinking, seeming taken out out of nowhere.

"This again?"

"NARUTO! You idiot! Cha!"

"Sakura, don't hit me, that hurt ya'know?!"

Shaking the unpleasant feeling left by the incident - seriously what the hell world, it's not normal - Sasuke stood up, 'binds' falling to the ground. He was getting ready to just leave and get a drink - Kami knows he needs it - _and_ MAYBE invite these dumbasses to one too, since they seemed to be set on making him stay.

"Okay, but now seriously, there were duck feathers found near you apartment. Where do you keep them." The current Hokage had his priorities set straight from the start, apparently.

"I will _not_ tell you a thing. They're legally adopted."

"What?!" Naruto looked up from the floor where he found himself again. Man, Sakura could be brutal.

"I won't hesitate bitch. Don't touch them. Or I'll just leave you in one of Kaguya's dimensions."


End file.
